Child's Play

[Mindy]

Child's Play

patty cake, patty cake
baker's man
criss cross applesauce
and kick-the-can

5 little monkeys
jumping on the bed
let's play war. BOOM!
now you're dead.

I am the queen
see my crown?
london bridge
is falling down.

ring around the roses
hide and seek
spin the bottle
tag, you're it!

child's play
full of games
temper flares
call some names.

innocent minds
molded fast
never prepared
for life's blast.

in the news
there is talk of war
soon their childhood
will be no more.

tensions rise
talks take place
one poor choice
destroys the human race.

creating world order
is not childs' play
it's all a deception
have faith? let us pray.

I beg all leaders...
please, think this through
your decisions could mean
the end for me and for you.

Mindy June 18,2009

[Mindy]

Hi Loretta,
Thanks for your input and for the compliments! Here it is again with a few minor changes...
Child's Play

patty cake, patty cake
baker's man
criss cross applesauce
and kick-the-can

5 little monkeys
jumping on the bed
let's play war.
BOOM! you're dead.

I am the queen
see my crown?
london bridge
is falling down.

ring around the rosies
hide and seek
spin the bottle
tag, you're it!

child's play
full of games
temper flares
call some names.

innocent minds
molded fast
never prepared
for life's blast.

in the news
there is talk of war
soon their childhood
will be no more.

tensions rise
talks take place
one poor choice
destroys human race.

creating world order
is not childs' play
it's all a deception
have faith? let us pray.

I beg all leaders...
please, think this through
your decision could mean
total destruction, inluding you!

I left the temper flares, because I want each of the child's verses to have the ability to portray an adult way of thinking... or include the 'political' way of thinking/doing things ie-criss cross(cross hairs of a scope) and kick-the-can (dying) or spin the bottle (random act of choosing a target) tag you're it (the bottle points to you) this to me portrays the way I see (my) government choosing who it goes to war with. Really not much reason, just because. I hope this gives a little more insight as to the meaning / where I was going with this poem.

Any feed back from you or anyone else would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again.

Mindy

[Loretta Leslie]

Hi Mindy
This is a strong poem. Very well crafted. The sing song is a great juxtapostion for such a serious theme. The fact that most nursery rhymes are based on political or tragic events adds another layer of meaning. And yes sadly, children playing at war become the victims fighting it in the blink of an eye. Any parent would identify with your sentiments. I would encourage you to submit this one to some competitions or to somewhere which might buy it.
Couple of minor edits you might wish to consider to hold the rhythm - but then it might just be the accents - lol
2nd vs put BOOM on 4th line delete now
vs 4 Ring a ring a rosie - is how I read it because that's how I said it as a kid - and is correct wording
it is about the bubonic plague - topical again with the swine flu
As oranges and lemons is to executions – also topical – might fit better as line 3 of that vs
Vs 5 line 3 – tempers flare is very adult – didn’t get my way?
Vs 5 line 4 – yell nasty names?
Vs 8 line 4 delete the
Last vs line 3 decision - make it singular – it only takes the one
Last line of poem needs to be a little stronger – destruction of all, even you

It is entirely your choice whether you go with any of that of course. Poetry, more than any writing, is very personal.

Loretta

[Mindy]

Thanks, Rod, Midnight Starr,

I guess with what I've been hearing about in the news about N.Korea has troubled me more than I realized. I could hear my boys playing outside and how innocent they are to what is going on in the world, and what it would be like for them if / when a homeland war takes place. Then I kind of gently threw in a bit of my political belief and how I feel about the 'new world order' and it all went together in kind of a sing-song way.

And yes, it portrays the innocence of childhood and the abilty to imagine or play 'war' being taken away by the possibilty or act of being directly involved in a real war.

Thanks again for your comments,
Mindy

[Midnight Starr]

I like that this poem is about innocence and imagination all gone.

[Rod]

Hi M, Like the way you started and how you finished simple but well crafted... subject/content, I am sure we all feel the same. Well done.